


I don't want to hurt you

by SparringWoodpecker



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparringWoodpecker/pseuds/SparringWoodpecker
Summary: Kara drunkenly sleeps with the Daxamite because she wants to know she can control herself enough to not hurt anyone. Anyone actually means Lena Luthor.





	

Kara sleeps with the Daxamite. She’s not quite sure that’s the word for it. It’s rough and she’s drunk and she’s not entirely sure she wants it but he’s offering and Kara needs this.  
Alex offers to throw him in the cells. There’s a clear line he crossed, she uses the word rape and Kara thinks it’s a bit strong, she may have been drunk and he might be a baby to this planet that needs to learn that he can’t do what he wants but she had wanted something. It’s hard to explain to Alex. It’s embarrassing to explain to Alex. So she doesn’t.  
She tells Alex she’ll have a word with the alien.  
She drags him aside after throwing him against a wall for the seventh time that half hour. He wasn’t improving half as fast as he should be. She berates him in that too-good, too-pure tone that Supergirl uses, that sometimes Kara Danvers finds too much. She can’t imagine what others must think.  
The Daxamite nods, absorbing all this new information about Planet Earth. Kara loses him when she tries to explain that it was a mistake, a one off drunken mistake that was more of an experiment on her part. He doesn’t listen as she starts babbling trying to frame her words to say what she really means.  
The conversation ends before he understands.  
He doesn’t understand that Kara was annoyed. That Alex had Maggie. That James had had Lucy and could very well have her again soon. That J’onn had M’gann. That Winn had someone, it was still very early. That even if people didn’t right now have someone they had had someone. Kara had never. And she craved it. She craved the physicality. And it frustrated her that she didn’t have it. And it scared her.  
The second time with the Daxamite is worse than the first. Kara can remember it. And he’s pushing her limits and her strength and she doesn’t want that. She wants – she needs to go slow, to go soft. She needs to know that she won’t hurt anyone, that she can lose herself and keep herself all at once. Because how many people could withstand a Kryptonian?  
She doesn’t want the Daxamite. She hates how he demands her strength, demands her presence and her attention. She hates how he centers himself at this act when she needed this to be about her, about knowing herself. She doesn’t push him away though, and that’s her mistake, again.  
Alex finds her crying for a second time. This time Kara hadn’t even bothered to make herself decent as she heard Alex approach. Her sister held her as she cried. This time Kara couldn’t stop her reasons pouring out of her, her chest was aching with heaving breaths and the effort of holding the hurt inside was too painful. Her words babbled and gurgled, fusing into one another and breaking with sobs.  
Alex rubbed soothing circles into her back until the stream of words and tears dried up. Then she asked the question that tilted Kara’s world. Why now? Who brought this on?  
Kara sat up, staring Alex in the eyes, trying to find an answer there as though this were a trick question. Her brain fuzzled and fizzed as she tried to connect dots that faded in and out of view, an optical illusion with a puzzle to solve.  
Her eyes widened and she breathed out a name. Alex looked surprised for the barest moment before hiding it, storing it away to process later. Kara would treasure that reaction, another thing to love about her sister.  
Kara’s words were echoed back to her as her sister got up to leave. You go get the girl. I’ll go get the alien. Of course, Alex wouldn’t let the Daxamite get away with hurting her sister for a second time.  
A red cape trailed through the sky as through the warm night air Kara made her way to L–Corp. She lightly landed on the balcony, the lights of the office still on and a figure with a bowed head at the desk. A deep breath. This is more than just what Kara Danvers wants, this is about being true to Lena Luthor. A truth that could destroy everything.  
Supergirl steps into Lena Luthor’s office as the latter turns around, as though she’s been expecting the hero. In fact super-senses aren’t needed to detect intruders on balconies when they’ve been standing outside preparing for a minute, their reflection visible on the laptop screen in front of the worker inside. Lena greets Supergirl, her greetings getting warmer as time passes. Kara wrings her hands nervously behind her back, hoping it doesn’t show.  
She starts assuredly but with each passing syllable, losses confidence. She tells Lena she needs to tell her something. That she trusts her. She wants to tell her who she really is.  
Lena interrupts. Tells her she knows. And she’s right. She’s known for a long time. People don’t fly on buses and she has CCTV in her office.  
Kara drops her Supergirl persona but now she’s more nervous. It’s no secret that Lena likes her and that Kara Danvers likes Lena Luthor. They’ve been flirting around the subject for weeks. But every time they get close, Kara pulls away. And now she knows why.  
But then Lena’s there, in her space. Her hand on her shoulder. Then they’re kissing and it’s… Kara doesn’t even know how to describe it. But she pulls back. She has to say what she came here to say. She has to tell her that if Lena wants more, she may not get it. Kara doesn’t know if she can give her more without hurting her. She wants to, she desperately wants to, but she can’t.  
And Lena’s smiling softly. Telling her it’s okay. That being with her in the proximately type of the word is enough.  
Kara is still annoyed and frustrated and jealous but it fades as Lena’s lips find hers and as her hand takes hers and pulls her around over-priced coffee shops, museums and art galleries. As they date, actually date and do all the cutesy, romantic and cheesy things they both secretly wanted to do but had never had the chance to before.  
About three months later Kara is straining her super-hearing, her eyes blindfolded, trying to work out where she is and what her girlfriend has in store. It smells damp and earthy and Kara’s confused. She’s more confused when Lena takes off the blindfold and Kara recognises the old DEO headquarters. Lena presses her hand to the entrance panel of the training room and the door opens. They walk in, Kara still too stunned to work out what’s happening. The familiar glow of the room begins draining her strength and she sags against the bed.  
Lena supports her as she gets used to the room. She explains that Alex, with a little help from Director Lane, helped her acquire access to the old base, which had fallen out of use. In here Kara didn’t have to fear hurting her. In here they could adjust the levels and slowly bring Kara up to full strength and one day, maybe, they wouldn’t need the training room.  
Kara smiles at her girlfriend and promises to herself that she’ll thank Alex and Lucy later, right now she has more important things to be doing.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've touched on some potentially sensitive subjects and please feel free to tell me if you think it was handled badly/ any other thoughts.


End file.
